Friday, October 25, 2013

Balling…Bitches


My Facebook status: I'm not falling-asleep-at-my-desk-while-typing-tired, but I'm my-eyeballs-hurt-and-I-don't-want-to-live-anymore-tired. #ballinglikeasinglemom 

When you think of a single mom, I know the first thought that pops into your head is, “Man, that bitch is balling.”  We single moms, and moms in general for that matter, are certainly balling.  Hard core.  How else are we balling, besides acting like those oh, so trendy pop culture zombies?  Let me tell you...

If noise canceling headphones, or even better, a total loss of hearing, would change your entire outlook on life, you’re balling like a single mom.

If you find yourself comparing your coworkers to your kids’ developmental stages, like, “my cubemate is definitely in her tyrannical, demanding, freely-farting terrible threes, I mean thirties,” then you’re balling like a single mom.

If you leave the house without realizing you have child puke/poo or thrown/drooled food on your shirt, you’re balling like a single mom.

If you notice the puke/poo/food glob, and wipe it up with a dash of water after realizing you have no other clean clothes, then dash out the door because you're always late for everything, you’re balling like a single mom.

If you’re happy to watch anything but the Disney channel, even if it’s that weird local government channel whose only viewer in the history of time was my blind and deaf grandpa, then you’re balling like a single mom.

If you think about staying in your closet or bathroom for the rest of your life at least 85 times a day, then you’re balling like a single mom.

If the Pokémon theme song just came on your iPod shuffle, you’re balling like a single mom.

If your milkshake brings all the toddlers to the yard, then you’re balling like a single mom.

If your idea of a gourmet meal is making Mac n' Cheese on the stove instead of in the microwave, you're balling like a single mom.

If your last love affair was with a TV character, you're balling like a single mom.

If you're not sure where that smell is coming from and you're too tired to care, you're balling like a single mom. 

No matter what you do in life, always remember to keep on balling...bitches.

With Love (unless you’re creepy, then pretend I signed this “Kind Regards,” you creepy creepster),

Single Mommy-fied



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