Sunday, May 20, 2012


I hope I'm still alive by the time someone reads this letter.  I'm afraid that even if you find me physically alive the mental damage may be irreversible.  I have been held captive by two sociopathic maniacs for the last 12 years.  They grow stronger and taller by the day.  If I'm not freed soon, they may become too powerful to defeat. 

During my imprisonment I have been forced to perform unspeakable acts over and over and over again.  I do all the cooking, cleaning, driving, shopping and working for my captors.  I am also forced to care for the vicious beasts they keep as “pets”. My detainers send me to a beige and gray, cubicle-filled prison for eight hours a day, where I am constantly verbally and physically abused.  The work I do there leaves me hunched over and defeated by the end of each day.  This "job" earns them money so they can waste it all on Oreos and video games.  Those fools!  When I am freed from one prison at 5 pm each day I face my evening hell of cooking, cleaning, homework, and incessant whining and bickering meant to slowly break down my free will. 

My captors refuse to call me by my given name.  They just scream “MOM!!!!” when they need me to do their bidding.  I fear I am losing my identity.  I barely remember who I was before they imprisoned me.  The first few years of my captivity were by far the worst.  My enslavers made me wipe their filthy bottoms and spoon feed them!  I had to carry them everywhere even though they had the ability to walk!  I believe there is no end to the selfish neediness of these two monsters. 

There’s no chance I will be able to escape on my own.  They never ever leave my side, not even when I use the bathroom.  If I manage to shut the bathroom door before they get in, they peer under the door and demand constant responses to make sure I have not escaped their suffocating grasp.  If I refuse to come out, they summon their beasts to break down the doors.  Please come quickly! Bring a S.W.A.T team, a bomb squad, and the National Guard!  Call in The Avengers!  Whatever you do, don't underestimate their kind or you may find yourself in exactly my position.

OH GOD!  Here they come!  They want me to take them to meet their allies at something called soccer practice!  It’s too late for me!  Run!  Save yourself!  SAVE YOURSELF!


  1. OHHH MY GOSH! Girl... you visited me on my facebook last night and i am sooo glad you did... you are hilarious!! I LOVE this! I read your header about your posts starting out as facebook status's and i was hooked.. because thats how my blog started!! people kept telling me to write a book or blog or something, because they loved my fb status about my kids every day!! my blog has evolved beyond the kids and to a little more about me and my thoughts, but still like to throw a kid story in now and then!! =) nice to meet you.. also followed your twitter..i figured you probably also have some twitter wit that will make me laugh =)

  2. i had to share this on my facebook!! and on my twitter too!!