My Facebook status: “I've worked hard to set up my family like a democracy. My daughter is like the Senate (she is the high profile one) and my son is the House (no one really knows what he does all day). I, like Obama, have the power to veto and make everyone feel ashamed with my lectures and stern looks when they misbehave.”
It has been a year and a half since I compiled kid quotes for my blog. I gathered all the quotes I’ve posted on my Facebook pages and discovered I have seven pages full of them. I know my wordy-type wordiness isn’t that conducive to any of our internet combusted attention spans so I’m going to break this up into a three parter.
p.s. Click the “Like” button on my Facebook page for daily funness: www.Facebook.com/SingleMommyfied.
Lily: "Should I change my default browser to Internet Explorer?"
Me (from the shower): "No! Why, what are you doing?"
Lily: “Trying to practice extra garblygook."
Lily: "Practicing garblegrrrr!"
Lily: "PRACTICING MATH!!!!!" I bet our neighbors are wondering why we`re fighting about math.
Lily: "Why are there four gas stations on that corner?"
Luke: "They must be having a gas-off."
Lily: "What's a gas off?"
Me: "It's like a dance off...but with less dancing."
Luke: "I don't think there would be any dancing, just chanting."
Me: "I think ice cream is the best thing ever invented."
Lily: "No, soccer balls are."
Luke: "No, video games are. Without video games I would be nothing."
Luke: "Lily get your feet out of my face, they`re wart-ey!!
Lily: "THEY`RE PRETTY!!!"
Luke: "That`s because you put nail polish on your warts!"
Me (while taking pictures): "Luke, stop making goofy faces and look cute."
Luke: "MOM! That's just my face!"
Me: "I didn't get anything done today."
Luke: "Me neither. Except I played in the snow, that was on my checklist. Eating chocolate was also on my achievement list, which I got done too."
Luke: "There are a lot of dating processes going on in the third grade for some reason."
Luke (while watching Indiana Jones): "One thing you need to remember, if you work for a villain, he is probably going to sacrifice you."
Luke: "Mom. Do you know why Barney stopped being made? Because Barney said a swear. On the air. Then he threw a rock at a little kid."
Luke (while watching Star Wars): "Mom, what kind of ship is that?"
Me: "A battle ship?"
Luke: "No MOM, they all have names. I`ll just look it up later."
I think it`s hard being a kid. Luke just let out a warrior`s battle cry and took a running start to dive head first into the car because Lily was blocking his way. I never have to work that hard to get into the car.
Luke: "Mom, can you park real close so I don`t have to walk very far? I don`t like walking, unless it`s a special occasion like Halloween."
Me: "My shoulder is killing me."
Luke: "When I invent a time machine I'm going to come back and stop that lady from hitting us with her car. Actually, someone else will have to invent it. I'm not very good at science...or social studies."
Me (while lying on the couch feeling sore all over): “This is what happens when you’re old.”
Luke: “This is what happens when some idiot hits you with their car. It’s not because you’re old.”
The radio: "The end of the world is coming on Saturday, there will be earthquakes and fire and..."
Lily: "Oh that reminds me, Mom, when is my soccer game on Saturday?"
Me: "Everyone used to tell me growing up that eyelashes don`t grow back after they fall out."
Lily: "Mom, that`s just silly, of course they grow back, just like your hair. You shouldn`t believe everything people tell you."
Me: "Why does the radio suck so much?"
Luke: "It's not the radio mom. The singers are getting worse, just look at Justin Bieber."
Luke: "Goodbye cruel world, I'm going on vacation!"
Me (while looking at a toddler Star Wars toy): "Awwwww...this Chewbacca looks like a teddy bear!"
Luke: "Yeah, a teddy bear with a gun."
Lily (after babysitting my 3 month old nephew for the weekend): "I used to want a baby brother but you really can't get anything done with a baby around. I mean, I couldn't even sit down and finish my chocolate milk today."
Amen to that last one.