Thursday, November 24, 2011

Fine. I'm Thankful! Geez, Get Off My Back.

My Facebook status:  "I'm thankful for Target's new line of makeup that only costs $1 and doesn't make my eyeballs fall out.  That is it though."

Wait!  Wait!  Don’t go!  I thought of more! 

I  am thankful for online classes so I don't have to be the female version of the creepy old dude on campus.

I am thankful I'm alone because I have tragic judgment when it comes to men.  This alone thing is much more dignified than cleaning up after someone I hate and spending all my spare time secretly training my cats to viciously attack him in his sleep.

I am thankful my cats haven't tried to attack me while I'm sleeping.

I AM NOT thankful that some old lady totaled my car.  I'll never forget you Stratus!  Never!  You're my soul mate!  I'll never love another!  Stop crying Fusion.

I am thankful for Facebook because I don't like talking on the phone, even to people I adore.  All the giggling baby videos are a huge bonus too.

I am thankful that my job is so wretched it's funny.  It can only get better from here.

I am thankful that all my friends are having kids.  Now they finally understand what the last 11 years of my life have been like and we can laugh-sob about it together.

I am thankful for Netflix because I don't have any friends I see in real life.  Even if it's a little high maintenance and has made some poor life choices this year.

I'm thankful that raising toddlers has given me post traumatic stress disorder.  Being hyper aware and unable to relax is super helpful for productivity.

I'm thankful that it's not Christmas.  Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

****SCHMALTZ ALERT***** Truly, I am thankful for my children and my friends who always remind me of the humor in everything.

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